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what i'm feeling right now...

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honestly, i would lie if i'll say that im fine, doin good.. -sigh-... actually, i really wanna cry.. as in cry!!! i want to get rid of the things that i'm feeling right now - pain, hurt, anxiety... but i do believe that God has a purpose why He allowed these things to happent to me..

as of the moment, im experiencing hard times... my father's here for about 5 months.. he doesn't have a job [yet?]... he resigned in his job in Saudi because he's expecting, actually, we are expecting that he can find a job in Guam..but it turned out that the persons who are arranging his papers are...never mind.. so, we don't have enough budget! ehehehe.. and God is just great that for the past months that he's here, God provided a job..my aunt wanted their house to be renovated..so my father [since he's an architect] supervised the construction... and wow! GOd is just great! i had the chance to take my exams and to pay for my tuition fees... -sigh- but as of the moment, i don't know if i can make it to summer... surely, we don't have money to pay for the fees... i still don't know if i can make it to school..but i do believe in one thing.. GOD NEVER BROUGHT ME THIS FAR TO LEAVE ME.. i really don't know what to do... what makes it harder is i don't have someone to talk to..[except God...] -sigh-

what makes it more difficult, is that whenever money problems will be brought out in our home, ayun na... ung mama ko kung ano-ano nang pinagsasasabi... it's hard.. ang hirap mabuhay sa lugar na magulo... gusto ko tahimik lang...i want to go to a place wherein for a moment i can unwind... i want to go to a quiet place wherein i can talk to God... cry... shout... -sigh-

it's hard when i can't open these things up with my friends.. e hindi naman nila ko kinukumusta e... ehehehhe... saka, for sure, they have their own struggles as well... they don't know me as iyakin except for those persons who have been with me for the past 4 or five years... -sigh-

but despite and inspite of the things that are happening, i know i should be thankful for these things... but i don't feel that im thanksful that much... i can't feel that im trusting Him to the fullest... or maybe i want to do something beyond what God wants me to do.. anyways, it's not a matter of feeling...right?

the road may seem cloudy out there... but hey! God never changes!!!

When God gives you a command, it's usually for two things - because He wants to protect you and because He wants to provide for you- His way...

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