Livin' only by Grace

-sigh- at last... may time na ulit ako para makapag-post... hehehe.. dapat nung isang araw pa ko magppost dito e.. kaso, wala akong time.. kaya medyonakalimutan ko na ang mga ippost ko... ehehehhe.. nways, san ko ba sisimulan.. OB ngayong midterms, ob[obstetrics] na ang subject namin... hmmm... as ang introduction, it tackles all about reproductive system... the parts etc... and GOd's really great 'coz habang dinidiscuss ung topic na yun sobrang na-appreciate ko ung work of art ni Lord.. sobrang na-realize ko na GOd is very very very intelligent and full of wisdom that He come up to creating those things... ung mga parts ng katawan natin.. sobrang pinag-isipan at pinagtuunan ng pansin ni Lord.. for one reason... BECAUSE HE LOVES US lam mo ung you'll just gaze at God's glory kase ndi ka makapaniwala sa mga nagawa ni Lord.. and one of the things that i've really valued is the intercourse [i don't mean that in a bad way]... intercourse is really sacred... lam mo u...

we often fool ourselves and say that it's love only but when it's gone we end up being lonely so how are we to know that it's just isn't so that we just have to let each other go... if loving you is all that means to me then being happy is all i hope you'd be then loving you must mean i really have to set you free there are many times when we shared this precious moments but later realized they're just stolen moments so how are we to know that it's just wasn't so that we just have to let each other go if loving you is all that means to me then being happy is all i hope you'd be then loving you must mean i really have to set you free letting go is not an easy task when smiling feels like i must wear this lonely mask it hurts deep inside and i just cannot hide that there's anguish at the thought that we should have to pause if loving you is all that means to me then being happy is all i hope you'd be then loving you must mean i really ...

this is not about the opposite sex or something... un lang ba ang pwedeng maging reason kaya kinikilig ang isang tao... [shox! ang ginaw dito!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ang lamig na ng tip ng nose koh!!! grrr...] nways... i've just read a message from friendster... and sobrang natutuwa lang ako... may tao palang concerned sa kin!!! ehehehehe.. wala lang.. maliban kay Lord na alam kong concerned sa kin, may tao palang medyo nag-iisip at umaalala sa kin... ehehehehe.. i just miss that person.. ************************ one more thing kaya ako kinikilig [bukod sa maginaw dito]... kase one of my friends [as in tropa ko an matagal ko nang pinagppray] got to know GOd!!! grabe!!!! sabi ko na e.. there's something different when he sent me a message... it's the way he talks.. and im glad!! ang sweet talaga ni LOrd!

haha!!! natapos na rin ang first day of exams.. three more to go tomorrow.. and habang wala pang five o'clock e dito muna ko sa A-King at iyu-utilize ko ang binayaran kong internet fee.. eheheheh.... »may chance na akong mag-clean-up ng inbox...[kase ba naman, pag sa internet shop ako nagiinternet, malamang e busy ako nun.. pag ganto, wala lang magawa...] »makakapagforward na ko ng messages!!! ehehehehe... »wala lang! may magagawa lang ako...

well, ndi naman uso sa kin ang napipikon sa mga asaran... at lalong ndi ako pikon.. pero lately, napapansin ko sa sarili ko na medyo nagtataray na ako ng konti lang naman... at tuloy, akala ng mga tao e pag ndi ko sila pinapansin pag inaasar nila ko, nagtataray na ko or galit sa kanila.. ayoko namang maging ganun ang impression nila sa kin... kase im not like that.. kase ba naman.. sino ang matutuwa na halos araw-araw eh inaasar ka sa isang tao... well... kung mga uth sa church namin ang makakarinig nun, for sure, BIG NO! NO! kase, bawal nga diba... and for me, it's more than bawal... [ndi lang ung pagtutuksuhan...] ang magkaron ng unwanted relationship... [ehehehe] and dun nagsstart un.. .im not saying that i would fall for that guy kase definitely not! kase first and foremost, dapat Christian... period.. kung dun pa lang, bagsak na.... ngek ngek ngek... at... ndi ngayon noh!!! and, ndi naman sa ako nga ang magffall.. e what if yung guy..?!?! mantakin mo, alam nia na may adam...

drumbeat. guitar. bass. relief. headache. inadequate rest. lack of sleep. ballpen. paper. pencil. graffiti. God. righteousness. holiness. peace. Jesus. comfort. tranquility. hope. future. i wrote this poem last friday, 15.07.2005... ang tanging naririnig ko lang e drums, guitar at bass... before that, sobrang sakit ng ulo ko.. but when i started writing... i felt relief.. relief from pain, headache, stress... then i looked at what im holding... a pen, paper... pencil.. then i made a graffiti..! then i searched me... what else do i have..?! God... His righteousness... His holiness.. His peace.. in the midst of my troubles, He's there... Jesus... in Him my future is secured.. pwedeng as of the moment sobrang ndi ko makita ung mangyayari kinabukasan... but i know who my God is..! kung titignan, wlang kwenta ang tulang ito... hmmm.. eheheheh...after a long time, ngayon na lang ulit ako nakagawa ng tula... i continued to read and read and read... ganun naman ang mga poems diba...?! they...

well... andito nanaman ako sa tapat ng computer... naghihintay sa mga ka-group ko... darating kaya sila...?!?!? o maghihintay ako sa wala...?!?!! hmmmm.... at least sa mga gantong bagay, ndi ganun katagal maghintay diba...?! and alam mo kung hanggang san ka dapat maghintay... -sigh-... well, there is this something na hanggang ngayon naghihintay pa rin ako... i've been praying for this thing for almost how many months... and still no answer... pero one thing's for sure... this will come to pass... matatapos din to... hindi pwedeng hindi... well, ok lang naman maghintay e... medyo maraming matututunan sa paghihintay... hmmmm.. ano nga ba...??!?! ehehehe... patience... ciempre, maghihintay ba ang isang tao kung wala siyang patience...?!?! ehehehhe.. what else..?! trust! ciempre, importante un.. kase kung walang trust, in the first place hindi ka na maghihintay... im fond of waiting... all my life ata naghihintay ako... and after that, pag dumating na ung hinihintay mo... ndi m...

hmmm... it's really ironic... i don't feel good but i feel peace... =) meron bang taong problemado na ganun...?! ehehehehe.. me! and there's only one reason... because I have God... A BIG GOD!!! there may be times na ndi ko na talaga kaya.... i really wanted to give-up... pero God is just so great na sobra ung kapit Niya...He always pushes me to go on... to pedal... no matter what happens... God gave me a duty, and i should do it no matter what happens... i don't have any choice but to surrender, trust and love HIm even more.. *********************** true enough that God is full of surprises... ehehehehe... responsibilities come... and i didn't expect those... basta ang alam ko, i have to continue... tapos, ito ung binigay ni Lord...?! e hindi ko naman hinihingi... ehehehhe... nways, thanks Lord! ************************ WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH, THE TOUGH GETS GOING...

i felt hurt... i don't know...i just thought im over and done with those but just a few minutes ago, i honestly admit that i felt something that wasn't good... it's like the old times... which was, a bad sign... tsk tsk tsk.. there are some things that keeps coming back... some things that i don't want to remember but it keeps on coming back... i know i've already surrendered that something to God... but i don't know... wala nanaman ata ako sa hulog that's why im vulnerable... of course i wouldn't type what that friend of mine told me... =)

I asked God for strength that i might achieve... I was made week that I might learn humbly to obey. I asked for health, that i might do greater things... I was given infirmities that i might do better. I asked for riches that i might be happy... I was given poverty that i might be wise. I asked for power, that i might have the praise of men... I was given weakness that I might feel the need of GOd. I asked for all things that I might enjoy life... I was given life, that i might enjoy all things... I got nothing i asked for, but everything i had hoped for. Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered. I am, among all men, most richly blessed.

i don't know how to start this one... ang hirap... it's like i rarely know that person... sobrang layo... sobrang ndi ko alam kung kilala ko ba siya...?!?!? grrr... honestly, ang topak ko lang.. im still slow!!! there's a lot of things to do but i don't feel the burden of doing it.. is it bad...?!?!? am i making sense...?!?!??! ito na ba ang epekto ng ka-toxic-an ko sa buhay...?!?!? wala akong makausap... well meron, pero ung tipong ewan... parang ang layo ko sa mga tao... ewan... i really don't know what's going on... unconsciously im being stagnant [again]... ****************** i can't... honestly, i can't go on anymore.. kung pwede lang huminto... sobrang alam mo un... tipong ayawan na... pero hindi e... the more i [unconsciously] want to quit, the more God shows me that i can't!!! i shouldn't!!! i don't have the right!!! pero hindi ko na kaya... im undergoing some i don't know what to call it... if ill be given a chance to do somethi...