Livin' only by Grace

this was my entry last night 11:20pm kulang yan...hindi pa mataas... those were my father's words as i present my classcards to him... he said that my grades are still low compared to what i can still do, kung wala kang pinupuntahan... kung saan-saan ka kase nagpupupupunta... grabe!!! hindi pa daw enough ung may GPA ka na 90.40? come to think of this: you are a sophomore nursing student [kahit sinong nursing student ang tanungin mo, ako lang ang magsasabing madali ang nursing... ehehehe.. it's a STRUGGLE!!!], your classes starts from 7-6, 7-6, 7-7, 7-8, 8-11, 7-330.. tapos ciempre, tao ka pa rin at kailangan mo ng time para kumain at matulog, at ciempre ndi ka papasok para lang pumasok.. may quizzes din kayo [na every meeting is a quiz day (minsan quizzes pa!) for some professors] tapos may mga pathogenic [capable of causing disease] profs ka pa! tapos ndi naman buong linggo e mag-aaral ka.. kahit na border [na lang ata] ako sa bahay namin, dapat tumutulong pa rin..at ciempre,...

at last, nakapag-internet rin.. excited pa naman akong maglagay ng entrry dito sa blog ko, kaso nga lang, sa kasamaang palad, hmmmm.... ndi ma-view ung blog ko!!! grrr... pero ok lang.. [bakit ba kase ganto ang pc dito..? hmmm..] nways, haaaaaaaay... hindi ko alam ang dapat kong maramdaman at this very moment... but i do know that God has a purpose for the things that are happening to me... pano ko ba sisimulan...? ************* kaninang umaga malamang class card distribution nmin ngayon.. at ciempre, umaga pa lang, parang masisira na buong araw ko.. -sigh- ang gulo kase sa bahay namin... [actually, may entry dapat akong matino kaso nawala sa utak ko.. ehehehe... but i do believe that upong blogging, lalabas din un! ehehehe..] un nga.. gusto ko nanamang umiyak... kase, ewan ko ba, parang ang hirap talagang mabuhay dito.. ehehehe.. tapos, yung tricycle driver, feeling ko nainis sa kin kase wala akong barya.. e kasalanan ko ba un..? pero ang sweet nga ni Lord e... ehehehe... kaya pala me...

honestly, i would lie if i'll say that im fine, doin good.. -sigh-... actually, i really wanna cry.. as in cry!!! i want to get rid of the things that i'm feeling right now - pain, hurt, anxiety... but i do believe that God has a purpose why He allowed these things to happent to me.. as of the moment, im experiencing hard times... my father's here for about 5 months.. he doesn't have a job [yet?]... he resigned in his job in Saudi because he's expecting, actually, we are expecting that he can find a job in Guam..but it turned out that the persons who are arranging his papers are...never mind.. so, we don't have enough budget! ehehehe.. and God is just great that for the past months that he's here, God provided a job..my aunt wanted their house to be renovated..so my father [since he's an architect] supervised the construction... and wow! GOd is just great! i had the chance to take my exams and to pay for my tuition fees... -sigh- but as of the moment, i ...

sa wakas na-ayos ko na rin...-sigh-

ndi tuloy maayos ang itsura ng blog ko kase every time im saving the template changes, laging nalang cannot find server...ai nako!....-sigh-

dahil hindi ko na mahintay ang lay-out ni myk for my blog, naghanap na lang ako ng temporary template.. ehehehe.. and this is it.. ang kulit mag-ayos nito! grabe!!! -sigh- *********************** may outing sa splash ang buong BSN 2-3 tomorrow... [imagine, ngayon sinabi pero tomorrow na agad?!?!??!!] ewan ko nga e.. ndi ko alam kung nagiging passive na ba ko or what...?

gusto ko na ng bgong lay-out.. ehehehe

nasan na kaya ang aking mga butihing friends nung high school>?!?!?!??!?! 50 years na ko dito sa sm wala pa rin sila!!!! pambihira!! kung sabagay, ndi na ko nasanay.... tapos ang dami pang tao dito... malamang, kase sale... baka naman kung san san na nagpunta ung mga un...?!?!?!?! hmmmm... sometimes in life, ganto din tayo.. there are times na may dapat tayong gawin... [ouch!] God wants us to do something.. pero dahil sa napakarami nating nakikita, nadi-divert ung attention natin... imbis na nagiging blessing tayo sa ibang tao.. [kase, interrelated tayo diba..?] ndi tuloy nagiging ganun... pwede rin namang tinatawag ka na ni Lord but you're not responding to His call kase parang wala lang... napakarami ng pwedeng gawin.. mas masaya.. kaya ndi na lang muna... and God is just right there..waiting for you... waiting for you at that place... may usapan na kayo e.. kaso lagi mo Siyang ini-injan.. kase, may mas maganda... akala mo lang un! akala mo lang mas maganda.. tulad dito, hangg...

i attended my brother's graduation early this morning.. and it made me realize a lot of things... but as of the moment, im tired and sleepy... so, have mercy!!!! haven't slept for at least 6hours for the past week... -sigh- IT WAS FOR MY OWN GOOD THAT I HAVE SUCH HARD TIMES... -Isaiah 38:17

we encounter changes all the time.. it can be a change for better.. or a change for worst... and oftentimes, it's hard if you know that some of your friends do change - for better or for worse? you can often feel this if they are not with you always...[i don't care if im with my friends all the time.. what i care is with whom are they with...] parang masasabi mo na, nagbago na siya... everyone seems to notice it... kanina, habang papunta ako sa accounting, naisip ko, hindi ko na sila kilala tapos parang biglang inimpress sa kin, kailangan mo ba silang kilalanin..? oo nga no.. ndi naman importante kung anong ugali ng mga tao sa paligid mo... nothing's change.. God still loves them so much and you should love them too! one more thing, ok na ung "you don't know them" and GOd knows you.. kesa naman sasabihin sayo ni LOrd, "I DON'T KNOW YOU".. ayoko naman nun! ####################### sometimes, i mean all the time, whenever we're not with our f...

last day na ng finals ngayon.. [and sad to say, ndi ako exempted sa REED!!! may exam pa tuloy ako mamayang 4... -cry- pero ok lang un! ehehehe... natutuwa lang ako sa mga messages sa kin ng mga classmates ko dun sa french fries carton.. ehehehe.. [dun ko kase sila pinapasulat.. poor lang ako at walang money pambili ng cute na paper... eheheh.. saka para unique!] siguro umabot na ng about more or less 70 french fries cartons ung tinatago ko.. la lang... i was shocked dun sa mga sinabi nila.. truly enough na sundin mo lang si Lord, and He will take good care of the outcome.. ewan ko.. grabe.. i was touched... and it added to my motivation to continue what im doing.. MAKING GOD SMILE!

haha! those were ate weng's very words.. upon chatting with her [even for few minutes...] it's a relief knowing that there's someone who understands your situation..who have been there, done that.. and look where she is now..? whew! im really thankful! Someday, they'll look up to you as a Christian i can't wait for that day... It hurts, but life must go on... yeah! i wanna experience more of God!!! testify! thanks ate weng!

upong finishing my preceeding entry this morning [sa may virtus sa nicasia] my classmate just went to my pc and medyo nag-basa ng tntype ko.. [e malamang nga naglalagy ako ng entry sa blog..] then she said, " mhe, bakit ndi mo na kami binibigyan ng letters...? napagod ka na ba... kase walang nangyayari..? " napatawa ako... [oh my!] tapos, dinugtong nia, " ang sarap nga basahin nung mga un e.. ang hirap nga lang gawin... " then ang nasabi ko na lang, busy ako e.. medyo maraming ginagwa...sa qualifying exam ulit.. grabe... feeling ko na-rebuke talaga ko.. ano bang nangyari sa kin..? where did this start..? as far as i can remember, nagsimula akong ma-distract last december... grrr.... all things are going well... sharing to my classmates, everything... through letters, etc... pero nung na-distract ako, na-stop ung mga gingawa ko... -sigh- and thanks to cris.. for if God didn't use her, maybe, ndi ko ulit sila ma-sshare-an.. haaaaay....

this morning's really... -sigh-... grabe talaga ung kaaway... tsk tsk tsk.. ewan ko.. pero kanina sa jeep, habang papunta akong school, gusto ko talagang umiyak!!! as in!!! ndi dahil sa nasermonan ako ng nanay ko kanina bago ko umalis.. pinapauwi niya ko ng maaga.. [kase nga naman, isang linggo ata akong laging late umuuwi...] ewan ko... pero parang ang sabi niya kase, sinabi na daw ng cousin ko sa tita ko [na medyo tumutulon sa tuition fee ko...] that I AM A CHRISTIAN... [parang gusto kong sumagot na e ano naman?!??!?! pero alam kong masasabon lang ako lalo that's why i chose to remain silent.. ang masakit dun, their thinking of Christianity not in a deeper perspective.. parang tipong wala lang.. sumanib ka lang sa ibang sect.. but that's not it!!!! IF ONLY THEY DO UNDERSTAND WHAT IM IN TO..ang hirap... kase, ndi un ung alam ko... it's a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.. in a deeper sense.. na sa lahat ng gagawin mo, kasama mo Siya.. sa lahat ng iisipin mo, ka...

wala lang.. andito lang ako ngayon dito sa internet shop.. ehehehe... na-miss ko ang computer! joke! wala lang.. wala lang akong magawa... hinihintay ko si joan e. magkikita kase kami dapat ng 8... mga 830 na, wala pa siya sa church... hmmmmm.... ################### wala akong magawa.... finals na.. tapos qualifying exam...-sigh-

haaaaaaaaaaaay.. sa wakas makakapag-blog na rin ako.. ehehehe.. it's been a long time since i wrote my entry... grabe!!! as in sobrang hectic kase ng schedule.. pero buti na lang.. this week is sort of light.. ehehehe.. wala na masyadong gagawin.. kahapon ung last na community namin.. ang sweet ng mga bata. kase they really gave us letters as remembrance... kahit almost 5 times lang kaming nanggulo sa family nila, still, ndi daw nila kami makakalimutan... hahaha.. and halos umiiyak nga sila kahapon kase nga last meeting na... then, parang i evaluated myself... bakit parang wala lang sa kin...? [but i mean that in a good way..] tipong ndi naging ganun ka-attached ung emotions ko sa kanila... and i'm thankful for that... ibig talagang sabihin, God brought me this far... ndi na ako ung dating ako... yes, kahit naman dati, ndi ako ganun nagre-rely sa mga tao sa tabi ko.. pero masyado ko silang minamahal... [sad to say, more than God.. kase, ndi pa ko ganun katino nun!] ehehehe... n...

for the second time this year.. ndi nanaman ako natulog [2nd thursday na to] dahil kailangang tapusin ang mga group reports... -sigh-.... sabi nila, pag ndi ka daw nakatulog tapos naligo ka, may tendency na mabaliw ka... -confused-... ewan ko... pero thrice ko nang ginawa un... last year, december.. tapos ngayon, twice.. ung first, ung sa project namin sa STS [kila borly...] tapos kagabi, kila Christ... grabe! ung first time [as far as i remember..?] last year, after ng CHristmas party namin sa tagaytay... grabe!!! at kanina pa dapat ako mag-iinternet.. e nakatulog nga ko! at ngayon po e kagigising ko lang! hmp! nakalimutan ko pa na may ipa-pass sa reed bukas.. grabe!!! buti na lang nagising [o ginising ata?] ako... haaaaaaaaaaaayyyy... ndi ko lam.. pero sana matapos na lahat ng to...-sigh- ############# ano na kayang nangyari sa election...? sino kayang nanalo... ang usapan kasi nmin ni Lord, pag nanalo ko, it's really His Will... ang sama ko nga e.. kase, i doubted if it's re...

-sigh- studies: kinda busy... [kinda mo pa bang matatawag tong araw-araw halos umaga na ko nakakatulog at araw-araw ngarag?!?!?!] house: ok lang... [nakatira pa ba ko sa bahay namin o border na lang ulit..?] classmates: uhm..??? [ndi naman kami muntik magaway-away kahapon sa health care e.. kami ng mga groupmates ko.. medyo nagkainitang lang ng ulo sa toxicity ng mga gagawin... -sigh-] 25k: [nasan na kaya ung mga un..?] SPIRITUALLY... [1-5, 1-ok, 5-?] ministry: 3... ok naman.. [still in it! by God's grace!] fellowship: 3... bihira ko na makausap ang mga tao sa church.. ehehehe prayer life: 1... [oh noh!] Bible reading: 2... [another oh noh!] sharing God's Word: 3 [ok pa to! =)] KAMI NI LORD... Silence.. -sigh- honestly, sobrang stressed na ko.. [kase, ndi ko na nararamdaman ang mga ginagawa ko...] i think burned-out na rin... kaya i need prayers! but God's really great! 'cause i know and i believe that He loves me so much! and kahit i really wanna...