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100-peso bill...

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upon paying my tricycle fare early this morning, i was shocked upon looking to my purse... yesterday, i have a 100-peso bill and a 20-peso bill... and as far as i can remember, i paid the 20-peso bill to the tricycle driver last night... so i still have 100... but this morning, i only have 20 pesos... and to my dismay, i've realized that i paid 100pesos to the tricycle driver but he didn't even called me to say that i still have a change... [akala ko kase, 20pesos na ung naibigay ko kaya pagka-bayad ko, umalis na agad ako! pero matagal bago ako pumasok sa bahay kase ni-lock ko pa ung gate...] that's why im wondering kung bakit ndi ako hinabol nung driver... bigla kong nasabi sa sarili ko kanina nung nakasakay ako sa jeep, "nakakainis! meron pa palang mga taong ndi nagsosoli ng sukli pag sobra!"... then God impressed something...it's like, "Anak, ikaw din e..." -ouch!- ang sakit! ako din??? kumukuha ng sobra???!! at that very moment, i want to cry... it's like spiritually im crying already... i want to bow down and just pray and cry and beg for God's forgiveness...

why did i feel this thing...? for the past week naging matigas ang ulo ko... my heart is full of impurities... and i have to learn the hard way pa! in life, maraming bagay na binibigay sa atin si Lord... pero minsan, mas gusto pa natin ng sobra! kung may sobra naman, ndi natin sinosoli... we're robbing GOd... we enjoy the feeling of being happy [with this world] for a while , but that doesn't last long... i just caught myself off guard... i was deceived... my heart is very deceitful... parang gusto ko ng sobra and i didn't give back to God what should not be mine... actually, GOd is telling me not to, it's like im in the middle of something na talagang naghihilahan! but thank God! He loves me that much!

it really hurts... i felt pain... but i have to... if this is the only way to learn... right now, ndi ako nanghihinayang sa 100pesos... nahihiya ako kay LOrd... i was really rebuked! but i know na kaya ako ni-rebuke ni Lord dahil mahal na mahal Niya ko... i have to thank Him really! and this is the lesson i've gotta learn!

Your grace still amazes me
Your love still a mistery...


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